Always
by Sara Loui
Summary: Always, such a small insignificant boring misunderstood word with such powerful meaning. Sam POV...R&R please people :


Tittle - Always

Author - Sara Lou

Rating - G

Pairing - Jack/Sam

Summary - Written in POV. Sam's thoughts on a social event she and the rest of Sg-1 have to attend. Based after the goings on of season eights 'Threads'

Spoilers - Um...'Threads' :-)

Always

You know the gawking has really become old after eight years, but still there they stand, gawking with intense surprised gazes on their faces. Even Teal'c's brow raises a couple of more millimeters higher. It's not like they havent seen me dressed in something other than a uniform or casual civvies. I must admit I've allowed myself to indulge in my more femine side outside of base than I used to even four or five years ago. My brief stint with Pete sorta helped that out, but still the shock and admiration and surprise that are reflected in the three pair of eyes looing at me now never gets old. Makes me almost uncomfortable, and jittery, God why do they have to do that?

I'm not a huge fan of these things, evenings which insist on evening wear that are hosted by those of pomp and circumstance have me cringing inwardly all the time. The fact that we have to make an appreance always has me a little jittery for about a week deciding what to wear. It was a little easier when Janet was around, like a comrade in arms. She was never fond of them either but at least we could plan together what we were going to wear, if it was too dressy, slutty, dowdy. Of course Cassandra likes to help out but her taste has a tendency to slide towards a more young teenage demeanour rather than a thirty something spinster.

Mental Note, stop reffering to oneself as spinster. In fact stop refferring to oneself as oneself, it's very annoying and you have much more on your plate than worrying about your conscience talking to you. Like the three men who's jaws are now dropping.

It never makes me feel anymore comfortable when they start wondering where to look. Have I over done it? Am I too dressed for this occasion? What has this 'ball' been thrown for anyway? I'm sure there was a memo.

Must say they look very impressive as always in their tuxedos, it's so easy for them, a quick extra clean up and pull on the suit. Not like me, worrying for a week about the dress, how I will do my hair, which shoes to wear, what makeup to put on. Obviously I've done something right because we've gone straight from people who have worked together for nigh on nine years and are as close as a family could be too... stepping from one foot to the other, not knowing where to put ones eyes and not able to speak because of the slight drooling sensation going on in ones mouth.

Well must say I've surpassed myself if that is the case. Daniel looks positively dashing, seems to be a reccuring thing as of late, but I can still read him like a book. The look he is now wearing while trying to avoid my gaze is... I love her as a sister, but god she's hot. Teal'c, well Teal'c's always been a formidable presence, but in that Tux, yowee, he looks good enough to eat. I'm sure he is wondering how Ishta would look in this thing.

Yes, brave yourself Samantha, remember the man standing directly in front of you is your commanding officer. And he's not outshining every man here in a tux, looing dashing, and handsome and causing you to flush and isn't casting his eyes over the strapless boned corset design of your dress. Oh god, ok this is why women used fans all those years ago. Say something...anything...speak... .

"Hi" Samantha Carter your linguistic skills are immense, half a word, one syllable, you go girl.

Well at least you can say you're a better linguist than Daniel and Teal'c and Jack...no no, that's General O'Neill... What was I thinking... ah hell at least you made a sound.

"Sam... you look..."

Thanks Daniel I knew I could rely on you. Over twenty languages and nothing can describe the awkwardness of the situation or the state I'm looking. Perhaps this will be the day the earth opens up and swallows me whole...I'm sorry Sir I completely missed what you were saying, too busy drowning in those eyes which are becoming increasingly hypnotic.

"Amazing"

I'm sorry are you looking at someone behind me? Is he shaking his head, is that disbelief? Ok now I'm really blushing because the looks coming from Ja..the General are becoming temptingly closer. He's becoming temptingly closer, is someone turning up the heat in here?

"Can I escort you in Samantha?"

Is that a slight smirk on his lips, possibly, probably from the slight scowl I have on my own I imagine. He called me Samantha, a very rare occurrence, Sam is rare, Colonel or Carter the general term of our aquaintance. Samantha sounds...weird and...different...and a little pretty coming from those lips. Ok Samantha, time to start putting those speech skills into action once more.

"Thankyou Sir"

This feels weirdly comfortable, like I've been entering crowded rooms of our peers and commanding officers for years daintily attached to his arm. I'm actually glad of his close proximity, and the fact that Daniel and Teal'c are close at hand behind us, as if to say to anyone, even the most decorated three star General, back off and leave them be.

They like me are not fond of these functions, it was fun the first few times we invited to such occasions but they just get boring after a while. We're dragged into mundane conversations, dragged up to dance with people we hardly know and it's a rare occasion the function gives us a chance to talk about the SGC. It's hardly a privelge anymore, more like a chore. I think the General is usually invited only as himself, but has decided once a team always a team and if he has to go so do we. I think I will suggest he drags Siler and Walter, along next time.

He's leaning over to me, I can feel the warmth of his breath tickling my ear as he whispers.

"How about we do a once around the room and make a quick get away?"

Ok yes I'm smiling. Smiling because he's so... yes I'll say it, Sweet. And because it's a marvellous suggestion, and because I live in hope that we can pull it off. Defintely a question which needs a response, what can I say...seize the moment. His head is oh close as I turn to reply, head nothing, his mouth is so very very close, too close, but who cares. I have my bodyguards here if anyone dares intercept us.

"Sounds like a plan Sir"

God that smile, that sweet, loveable smile. These functions could still serve a purpose, in fifteen minutes they have the ability to turn me into a love sick school girl. Pull yourself together Samantha, get the brain in gear. Don't fall for...oh those eyes, molten, dark, delicious...always did have a sweet tooth. And those lips...ok focus. Look forward, be a good soldier, remember where you are and who you are with. Do not even think about the arm which is oh so casually pulling from where your hand is resting to slip around your waist.

Oh my God his hand is resting around my waist. Who the hell is this guy talking to us and why is he interrupting my thoughts of Jack O'Neill's arm around my waist with nods of approval? No I do not want to dance with you. Seriously no... ok fine, I wonder if my slight glance towards the General has the clear reading of...I'll be back.

Well I have to say you are the most boring man I have ever met in my life. OK you look slightly snappy in the tux, but god your boring. Nod and agree Sam...smile sweetly. How long does this dance go on for?

Ah escape is near, what was that the General said about once around the room? How far has he got? Where are Teal'c and Daniel? Oh please please, say they are not going to leave me to speak to this guy any further. Really I know that fascinatng, but truly you are boring. OK quick scan the room...nod...agree...smile serenly... Daniel is too far away to catch his attention...next target. Mmmhmmm nod...agree...smile sweetly, god my jaw is aching... Teal'c how can a guy your size disappear in a crowd? Damn, he's been dragged into dancing also... Ok Jack where are you my knight in shining armour?

Ok there you are...who is she? And why is your arm around her waist? Is her hand trailing over your... Ok I need a drink.

"...don't you think Colonel Carter?"

"Will you excuse me for a moment please?"

I'm sorry, so sorry, look theres another pretty blonde go bother her. Truly boring, no no no Sam, go in the other direction, not the direction of the General. Ah drinks table, hallelujah. Champagne, always was a close friend and companion of champagne on evenings such as these. And restrooms, or in other words, emergency exits for those awkward situations girls. When you truly do need to get away from the man.

Empty, thankfully and a comfortable sofa for the sitting. OK Sam pull yourself together. Here half an hour and your world has just taken a few wild turns. Or rather your mind has been wandering around that track called make believe.

Get focused, this is your conscience speaking.

One. General O'Neill is not here 'with you' he just here with you. As in friends, comrade...nothing more.

Two. You are imagining any glances from him your way to be more than what they are. Because he is as you said above a friend, comrade, commanding officer.

Three. His casually slipping his arm around another woman should mean nothing to you because...see one and two for reasons.

Four. Stop talking to me...your conscience... and get back out to the party before people send out a search party.

Oh and P.S , that guy was really boring, avoid him for the rest of the evening.

Ok Sam, time to get out there. Deep breaths, one, two, go.

Teal'c, are you still dancing? Man you got game... Ah Daniel so near yet so far, because to get you would take me right in the direction of Mr Boring and I am not getting dragged into standing with him all evening. Oh no you don't, stop focusing on me. The buxom blonde beside you should be keeping you busy...no do not walk over here.

Mental Note... When trying to avoid a boring conversation with equally boring mutual aqauintance remember to put yourself nearer a way of escape i.e punch bowls and restrooms.

Do not roll your eyes whatever you do Sam. Smile, nod your head, and of course agree with everything he says. And for goodness sake try to remember his name.

"Another dance Colonel Carter?"

Stop...do not nod head...do not agree... Smile sweetly.

"Thankyou..but I think I'll stand this one out if you don't mind"

Go ask the pretty buxom beauty you just left, I think she was quite interested in you.

"Not a problem, could I get you another champagne?"

God yes...nod...agree...smile. Looks like someone has beat you too it.

"Champagne Samantha"

Oh my, ok remember take heed in what your conscience was saying.

"Thankyou General"

And now he's standing between us, thankfully you two have already met because I haven't the slightest idea what your name is.

"I'm sorry to intrude Doctor Marshall, but I'm afraid I have to steal Samantha away from you"

Oh poor man, doesn't even have a chance to stop us. I'm being dragged away literally, doesn't he know I can't walk that fast in these heels, and up stairs too. Wait where is he taking me, certainly away from the crowd, of which I'm ever grateful... and I shouldn't really protest but if we are leaving we can't leave Daniel and Teal'c and we havent been here that long, shouldn't we stay a little longer.

"Thought we could use a break"

Yes well that is a matter of opinion...not that I mind being alone with you, but things have just been awkward as of late...and the start of this evening hasn't helped any. Where the hell are we and how do you know your way so well around this place?

"Enjoying the evening Sam?"

Ok so whats with the first name basis, because much as I don't mind you saying it Sir, it's a little confusing to know where we now stand after everything that has happened in the past two months.

"Yes Sir"

Yes well not a complete lie, it means some quality time with yourself and Daniel and Teal'c and I get to dress up so it's not all bad. OK so I know your seeing through the little white one I just told.

"Apart from the dance partner, but things could improve"

"Yeah I noticed he was becoming a little attached to you...not that I blame him"

Oh dear lord, please don't go dropping little inuendos because as I said before, I have no idea where we are taking this and how far we can go before the abort siren starts going off. Thank goodness an open window, may help this sudden flush I'm feeling rising in my cheeks. Cool fresh air, clear the head...think Sam...and not about how close he standing behind you. Keep the conversation light and airy.

"So how much longer do you think we have to stick around?"

"Oh at least another hour..."

That long, no fair...

"And at least until you allow me to dance you around the room"

Damn, he has got the Mr Smooth cap on tonight. Just dance with me right here Sir...we don't need an audience, they could infringe upon what could be a very intimate, private waltz. Or better still, quit the dancing and we could take a few steps forward and be competely hidden to everyone on the balcony. We nab Daniel and Teal'c if they happen the chance by and make our getaway when the coast is clear.

OK does he have to do that with his hands? Ever so gentle touches...to go with ever so soft breaths near my neck...I can hear the sirens now...not too loud but very clear.

"Sir..."

Such a bad move Sam, he's so close and you turn to face him, Hello? Do you hear the sirens? That move caused a lot more fingers on skin, mainly to save you falliong from grace in the limiting manouveres this dress and heels allows you. Oh now we are stepping further onto the balcony, so you think my idea is a good one?

Only we're stepping as one and he obviously does want to dance with me, because his hands are sliding around my waist and he's looking down at me with that ever so soft look he been sending my way the past few weeks. The Always look...Always...Always means forever...Always means I don't need to be afraid of anything...Always means I will never ever be left alone in this world or the next...Always mean he will fight for my honour for any cause...Always, such a small insignificant boring misunderstood word with such powerful meaning. Especially when he says it, in that ever soft soft, sweet, light, meaningful, powerful, light hearted way.

The music sounds so distant, but light and lyrical carried on the wind from the room below us, a nice slow orchestral number which I'm sure was composed by a genius, perhaps in the knowledge of Always themselves. Well this may not be a large ballroom, but it's enough to be danced around, away from prying eyes. In usual circumstances this could be a situation of embarassing inadequate feelings, but his hands are relaxed in their hold around me, and his cheek rest ever so gently on my forehead, and he feels so comfortable as my arms mould around his shoulders. Music can be so intoxicating in situations like this, hardly heard, but easy to step to, sway to, be held too, wrapped in the echoes of always.

I guess this has always been us, not many words spoken between us... hardly any refference to the feelings present always between us. Is it so bad just knowing that someone loves you always, in every way, loves you so much they are willing to let you try and find happiness with someone else because something between you won't let you cross that line? So we took a long detour, we just need to figure some things out. We'll talk eventually, always is a long time, we've plenty of it.

finis


End file.
